so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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