The maid of honor just puked.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
