No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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