i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Please don't give away my fajitas
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
