I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
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We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
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I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
A+ Viking dick
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