i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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