The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
