Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
