Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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