im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
