I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
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Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
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Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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