So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You are a booty call, not a friend.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
