idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
