"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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