Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
