I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
