Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
