Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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