this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
