He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think I sprained my soul last night
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
