Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
