my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
