after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
