I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
