He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
