i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
