I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
