READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
