A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
