i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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