I met the friendliest cop last night
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
love makes seman taste better
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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