my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
