I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
