I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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