She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
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his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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