is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
