I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
