idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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