Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
