My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
