guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
