Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
