you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
