now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize