She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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