Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
