when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
