She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
