May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
