It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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