I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
