so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.â€
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