it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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