oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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