I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize