I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
