Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
