Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
