There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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