At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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