He kissed a someone with a penis
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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