i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
