it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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