A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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